She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
