North Korea, Best Korea!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
