Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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