I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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