I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
