worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
