shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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