If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
