Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
