Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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