Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
