my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
