i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
