i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He literally asked permission to hit on me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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