I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
