tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
