and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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