We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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