Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
