I'm gonna have a badass scar
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
