Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
