I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
