i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
