Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
