I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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