thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
