I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I died a long time ago.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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