Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
