My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
