Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
