I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
