This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
