So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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