i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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