We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why did my mother make you get naked?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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