You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
