We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
