First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
