I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
