my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
