SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
