Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
