i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
