no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
