Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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