Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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