My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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