remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
