so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
