another moral hangover. fuck.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
