Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
